Enjoying Life Part 3

This newest series of messages on Internet Pastor is called “Enjoying Life”. I almost called it “SMELBORP - Learning to enjoy life by turning your problems around!” but I think Enjoying Life works better.

Today we are going to talk about Mastering Complaining. Complaining causes you and everybody around you to be unhappy. Unfortunately it is a hard habit to break.

I personally believe we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain. ~Jane Wagner

We are by nature prone to look more at the negative side of things than the positive. It is why most people spend so much time worrying.

Man spends his life in reasoning on the past, in complaining of the present, in fearing the future. ~Antoine Rivarol

We are conditioned by society. Bad news makes the headlines. We are bombarded continuously with what’s wrong with everything. All of the negativity leads us to an almost constant state of discontent and complaining.

As believers, we are supposed to be different in this area.

Philippians 2:14-15 “Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe.”

Complainers usually fall into one of four categories:

Whiner - “It’s not fair. I don’t deserve this. Everybody else gets all the breaks.”

Pessimist - “Nothing will ever change.”

Perfectionist - “Is that the best you can do?” Nothing is ever right for this person. It is never good enough.

Martyr - “No one appreciates me.” (Pity party professionals)

Maybe you have heard about the church group in Kansas City where the Pastor had the idea of how to stop complaining. He came up with “complaint bracelets”. You put on the purple bracelet and every time you complained you had to change wrists. The goal was to get to 21 days without changing wrists. I went to the website at acomplaintfreeworld.org to check it out. Here are some things from the site:

“Complaining is not to be confused with informing someone of a mistake or deficiency so that it can be put right. And to refrain from complaining doesn’t necessarily mean putting up with bad quality or behavior. There is no ego in telling the waiter your soup is cold and needs to be heated up—if you stick to the facts, which are always neutral. ‘How dare you serve me cold soup…?’ That’s complaining.”

—Eckhart Tolle, “A New Earth”

Scientists believe it takes 21 days to form a new habit and complaining is habitual for most of us. As Twain said, we must coax our old behavior down the stairs. The purple bracelet is a powerful tool to remind you of how well you are creating your life with positive intention.

Begin to wear the bracelet, on either wrist.

When you catch yourself complaining, gossiping or criticizing (it’s ok, everyone does) move the bracelet to the other arm and begin again.

If you hear someone else who is wearing a bracelet complain, you may point out their need to switch the bracelet to the other arm; BUT if you’re going to do this, you must move your bracelet first!

Stay with it. It may take many months but when you reach 21 days you will find that your entire life is happier, more loving and more enjoyable.

A few stories

Many people in this Kansas City, North, congregation didn’t see themselves as complainers — until they slipped on a wristband.

“I, like many others, felt that I was a positive person, definitely not a whiner,” said Patricia Platt, a Kansas City elementary school teacher. “This challenge has opened my eyes.”

Eighteen-year-old Michael Martin of Gladstone said: “I was switching my bracelet 10 times a day, then seven times a day, and then it got less and less, and then I made it a whole day without complaining.”

Anita Skehen, a Kansas City real estate agent, said society and culture make it easy to “buy into” whining. “Just watch any news program, sitcom, the weather channel, read the paper/magazines,” she said. “It’s everywhere. “I’d complain about my weight, my sleep, my family, my friends, my pets, my house, the laundry, co-workers, neighbors, other people’s pets, the weather, money, work, etc., etc.”

At Michael Martin’s home his mother, Kim, said that “immediately we realized that our conversations centered around sarcasm and criticizing others as well as our own members.” “We didn’t want to have to move our bracelets and start over, so we just quit talking for a day or two until we figured out ways to talk to each other that did not involve complaining.”

The pastor has noticed that some people have stopped wearing the bands and thinks that about a third of those who received them have given up.

One dropout stated, “It didn’t work; you can’t change inborn human nature.”

Other participants, however, are continuing. Jan Ward of Wood Heights, Mo., who has gotten close to the 21 days, said the complaints that made her move her band “were really petty and not worth it.” “My mouth was speaking before my mind was in action,” said Ward, a hospital secretary. “I think now before speaking, and sometimes I just say nothing.”

JoAnn Rennack, a Kearney elementary school teacher, said she used to get annoyed when she’d have to park a long distance from a door. “Instead of complaining about no close parking spaces, I now look for the good,” she said. “God has given me an opportunity to get some extra exercise.”

Requests for bracelets have come from individuals, families, churches of various denominations, businesses, schools, civic groups, Scouts and sports teams.

It is now a big business, has been covered by every media outlet and endorsed by Oprah. To date they have sent out nearly 6,000,000 bracelets.

But then there was a church that returned the bracelets, saying that they didn’t like the quality. Now that’s funny!

The idea is that mastering complaining is a process.

How do you do it?

The Bible says “Do everything without complaining and arguing.” How do you do that?

1. It starts with admitting it is a problem

You have to admit that it is a problem for you and not just a problem other people have.

Proverbs 28:13 “A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance.”

We don’t always see how much complaining we do. Think about this, if someone were to record you for a week, how many times would you be grumping, arguing, and saying “life stinks”.

As with most issues in life, admitting there is a problem is the first step.

2. You have to accept responsibility for your own life

We often complain in order to blame other people for our messes or as a way to get the focus off of us and on to somebody else.

Adam – “It was the woman You gave me”

We like to pass the buck and it makes us feel better.

Proverbs 19:3 “Some people ruin themselves by their own stupid mistakes and then blame the Lord.”

3. Practice the attitude of gratitude

We need to become thankful people. Remember the gratitude list I asked you to make last week.

I Thessalonians 5:18 “Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” It does not say “for all circumstances”. It says ‘in”. This is where you have to remember the scripture that is at the foundation of enjoying life, Romans 8:28. I know that God is working all things for good. God’s purpose for my life is greater than my problems, so in everything I can give thanks.

4. Look for what God is doing in the situation

If you want to get victory over complaining, look for God’s hand in your circumstances.

II Corinthians 4:17-18 “This small and temporary trouble we suffer will bring us a tremendous and eternal glory, much greater than the trouble. So we fix our attention, not on the things that are seen, but on the things that are unseen. What is seen lasts only for a time, but what cannot be seen lasts forever.”

Looking for what God is doing requires us to step back a little, and ask God to help us see with His perspective. How big a deal is this current situation really. Is it going to matter 5 days from now, 5 weeks from now, 5 months from now, 5 years from now?

We have already discussed the fact that problems will come into our lives, getting a new perspective allows us to live above them instead of in them.

5. Speak encouraging words

Complaining is a habit. Habits are only broken by replacement with something else. Take out the negative complaining and replace it with those negative words with words that are encouraging.

Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

If you can’t say something good, don’t say anything at all. Replace your criticisms and complaints with compliments.

As we master complaining we become:

People who are blameless

People of integrity

People who are positive

How do you make an impact in the world so that the world takes notice? Check your attitude. Be positive in a negative world.

Come back often to see the latest sermons or bible studies on your Online Pastor site. We are blessed to be your Pastor Online!